I find myself lacking in areas of life substantial to what makes us whole. Areas pertaining to social and personal needs.
I recently discovered my commitment to friendships is unbalanced. My commitment as a wife is diminishing and my ability to be the parent my children need is fading to a questionable doubt.
As we age, I feel we lose apart of ourselves. We fade into the background as we become everything to others, but nothing to ourselves.
I have seen a lot of people speaking of self-care this year, but then I question if it is evolved around perfection. Perfection is a mask we wear to blend in, to hide our flaws from the eyes we wish/need acceptance from.
Flaws are a form of beauty. Well, that is what I tell myself. What if flaws are basically failures we want to dress up in a pretty outfit?
I have experienced many failures in the form of self-doubt, in a form to justify why at my age I should be on the same boat as everyone else.
I’m a parent and it’s a gift many pray to experience. I never take it for granted, but I am flawed to a dark degree. We all are.
I also experience a form of depression, one that creates a dark cloud blinding my ability to see the purpose I have in life. What am I here for? Would anyone cry if I died? Am I burden, emotionally and financially?
The point is everything is flawed and sometimes we need to dig ourselves from the darkness of our minds to find a balance of happiness.
We don’t need approval from others to be able to feel good about the road we have chosen to travel. We just need a friend, someone who understands, someone as flawed as we are.
If we don’t have someone, we can uplift ourselves.